Sunday, October 12, 2008

Because it is my name...

So, I have long been of the opinion that naming something can sometimes reduce the thing's power over you. This may partially be a defensive maneuver to justify why I talk so much. But I am also finding that sometimes naming something is what gives you the power you need to own it and use it and revel in it.

Which is why there is a fair amount of joy and fear wrapped up in my finally, truly, actually naming myself as a director. Which seems silly - I have been direct-ing for a while now, but I think part of me was still clinging to my inner actor. And I think that it's time for me to stand up and assert that I am a director. Period. That is what and who I am.

Another thing I think that I need to assert is the validity of my opinion and my process - both things that I am only just becoming comfortable with actually, quantifiably talking about out loud. I feel like I'm finally ready to own those things, to feel like they might actually be valuable, that I might actually have a voice and a viewpoint that are worth more than my time.

It's tricky - because how do I assert those things while also taking into account everything that I value about collaboration? I think the answer - at least for me - is the realization that those things are not mutually exclusive. The phrase "hold on tightly, let go lightly" comes to mind - it's important to come in with vision and ideas and be ready to talk about and defend them. It's also important to let them go, to adapt them, to hold on to the essence of them while their packaging changes.

These things are hard and the idea of following them is scary. But not impossible. And completely necessary. Because these are the things that directors have to figure out, right? And, after all, that's what I am.

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